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[acaseofyou]

they say that death is a tragedy it comes once, and it's over

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[nomadicflame]

Trying to explain how I felt without him seeing my memories only made him angry.

But the alternative is, perhaps, worse. While not angry he was not experiencing a pleasant time.

[acaseofyou]

What do you want his reaction to be, though?

Other than not more angry.

[nomadicflame]

Understanding. I do not want him to love me if he is unable to, simply understand me.

I am tired of being crucified for my choices.

[acaseofyou]

Understanding is hard to come by, even in much better circumstances. Takes time, more than anything.

[nomadicflame]

I am not sure anyone can ever truly understand us.

Worse, me.

[acaseofyou]

That's quitter talk.

[nomadicflame]

I simply do not want to put him through anything more.

And if he cannot love me back, it is not worth his time. Nor mine.

[acaseofyou]

Getting put through things is the only way anything happens. The only way anybody understands anybody else, whether it's enough to love them or not.

[nomadicflame]

I am tired of getting put through it.

I think I am finished with love.

[acaseofyou]

Everybody says that when love isn't working out for them, and love isn't gonna be finished with you.

[nomadicflame]

It will be if I go hide on the mountains.

[acaseofyou]

[ She shouldn't. She really shouldn't, and yet. ]

Like a squirrel?

[nomadicflame]

I will have Tolly show me how block you.

[acaseofyou]

Look, I'm just saying...

Hiding is great, but that's not a way to survive. You'd probably go crazy.

[nomadicflame]

Madness is better than feeling this.

[acaseofyou]

I've seen Kindred go mad.

It isn't better.

[nomadicflame]

I feel as if I might.

Did he tell you he snapped at me and I decided to sleep for two weeks instead of deal with being hurt again?

Tolly came to fetch me.

[acaseofyou]

No. Right now we're just talking about cake.

[nomadicflame]

It was an unmitigated disaster. Tolly will not stop calling him my boyfriend.

He is also now blackmailing me due to what Chishiya knows.

But after that was when he came over. And we talked.

[acaseofyou]

[ She thinks, 'Geeze, you really don't half-ass a mess,' but wisely does not type it out. ]

That's definitely a lot to juggle all at once.

[nomadicflame]

[He is definitely In It.]

The mountain looks better every day.

[acaseofyou]

I bet it does.

[nomadicflame]

But.

He did bring me blood bags. After finding out I had not eaten in two weeks.

That means something. I think.

[acaseofyou]

That is a good sign!

[nomadicflame]

I do not know what any of his signals mean.

I feel as if I am walking into an oncoming train sometimes.